Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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