I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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