I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
