well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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