Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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