How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
