There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
try to milk me bitch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
