Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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