Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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