Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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