mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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