Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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