): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
