Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
