i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
