Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
