Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
