My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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