I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
