Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
