u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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