About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
