oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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