This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
