the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
