rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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