guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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