My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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