i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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