My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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