Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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