is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
