He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
