I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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