i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
