garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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