i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
