"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
