Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
