I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
