omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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