no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
