yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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