You're my little dorito
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
