when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
