I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
