He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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