The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
