"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want a musical about memes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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