does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
