I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
