Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everyone says I win the strip club
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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