I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I could fuck to npr.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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