You just made me feel so damn special
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
