You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
