dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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