It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
