I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
