well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
