You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
