I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
