that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
