Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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