So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
