Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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