When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
