I want to walk on stilts...naked
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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