His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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