So drunk, too bad you don't want this
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
