sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
