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Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
