very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize