Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
