can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
