The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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