Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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